Null Island News

Want to know the latest from Null Island? This is the place! Check back frequently to see what's new on our "blog".

2011

21 October: Wild rumours are flying! Our young people report that far away in a land of heat and sand, silly foreigners are claiming that there is trouble on our Island. Ha! They say that they will no longer send their unwanted 'data' to us. Why do we care? All manner of lost things wash up on our shores. What if there is a little less?

3 January: The new year brought an amazing surprise! When the ship from Malabo arrived, there was a woman on board. "Who are you, lady?". "I am Dutch", she said. Dutch told us stories of people who live in a place without a mountain and smoke very odd plants. Happy lady! She promised to send many others from her land to visit us. They will pay her money to make Null Island known to them. We wish her very good luck in her business.

2010

4 December: A new joke is making the rounds on Null Island. It was sent to us by a young Islander who is working in America. Perhaps you will enjoy it.

A man travelling on Null Island passed a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large stone 0 in the middle. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar, softly chanting “Nil... nil... nil..." while ceremonial priests sang prayers to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

Eventually, the man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked "Is Nothing sacred?"

5 September: Null Island at the Olympic Games? Of course this is not possible. But an American pundit (a fellow "blogger") recently published an article that claims that Null Island won several medals in the 1896, 1900 and 1904 Games. You can clearly see Null Island on the map that accompanied his poorly researched article. This is a big laugh. In those days, a good Taro was medal enough for a Null Islander!

8 August: A large group of young people partied on the beachfront at the Oxford Hotel until late in the evening. We understand that some kind of important event occured at the office of their American employer. We were told that there was a "release". But of what? Perhaps a ceremonial freeing of some kind of animal. When the effects of too much Taro wine wear off, perhaps we will learn more.

2 August: Settlement Lake was in the news today when a colony of Howler monkeys was found dead along its northern shore. When questioned about NIBEC's assurances of the lake's safety (see Geography), President Smythe replied, "Monkeys are clever creatures, they will learn."

19 July: When the Star of Libreville left port today, it took with it a group of young Null Islanders bound for the United States! The American company that employs many Islanders is hosting a festival and requested the presence of everyone involved. They even sent amusing hats with a bill like a duck.

26 April: Null Islanders took a day off work today to honor Tobaski. After the unfortunate events of Guy Fawkes, let us hope for a less "exciting" evening. President Smythe assures us that from now on, "Any large shipment arriving from China shortly before Guy Fawkes will be very closely inspected."